my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When did we convert life to cartoon?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
