I just saw a hot homeless man
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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