I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
