I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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