Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You ruined the universe
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
