ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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