The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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