It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
