I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize