she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
