before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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