I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
