What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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