hotel room ftw
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
