He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
