Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
