I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
