Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
