He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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