dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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