He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
