pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
