So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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