toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
