I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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