you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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