She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
