It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
