Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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