We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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