Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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