she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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