not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
