Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
