I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
