Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
