I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I looked at my own cervix.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
