saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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