Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize