STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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