Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
