Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Barsexuality is the new black.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
