Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
