she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
