A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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