woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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