Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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