this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
