he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize