just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
