He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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