I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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