Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
