his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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