So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
