Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
