I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
