is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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