So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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