I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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