if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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