you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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