we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
