I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
