I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
