He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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