I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
