i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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