So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
