Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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