Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
