wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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