the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
