I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He? As in you personified your dick?
i need some magic done to my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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