Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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