ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
