I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
