census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
