So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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