Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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