So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
