i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
