dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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