I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
