My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize