my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
