Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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