Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
