You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize