good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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