Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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