I just threw up on my dentist
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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