i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Enjoy the penises
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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