how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
