So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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