I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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