yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
