i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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