I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
